2967 replies to this topic

[Lard Bazaar]

Windsor, on Feb 12 2010, 01:41 PM, said:

The indications are that I'm probably about to lose my job.
It was my 7th anniversary of working there last weekend.

Nothing has been said officially yet - so who knows.

Just thought I'd let you know because if I do lose my job, you may as well lock this thread.

Sorry to hear that old boy, but with your dashing good looks and sparkling repartee, you will easily find another job to subsidise LFN's taxes.

My current role has also become much more bother than it's worth, so I've just applied for something else. Fingers crossed for both of us, eh?

[Lord Fellatio Nelson]

Windsor, on Feb 12 2010, 01:41 PM, said:

The indications are that I'm probably about to lose my job.
It was my 7th anniversary of working there last weekend.

Nothing has been said officially yet - so who knows.

Just thought I'd let you know because if I do lose my job, you may as well lock this thread.

Winny, it has been of great concern to me that you have been posting ever more infrequently on this thread.
Now buck your ideas up man!!
PS: I hope things work out for you.
Best of luck.

[Windsor]

Yes - my posting has taken a hit of late, not that I don't have much to moan about.

I was thrown out of the BB band (of which I was an officer) after 12 years of service because I fell out with the bandmaster's family (yes, I've been sacked from a voluntary post).
I spend most of my days doing tedious readings for university.
I'm still single.
I've started playing that bloody farmville and got addicted.
And I'm on the verge of being sacked from my work (I went in today but the managers were all away in Ellon deciding our fate).

Looking forward to 2011 already.

[Dave to the Grave]

Windsor, on Feb 12 2010, 11:13 PM, said:

Yes - my posting has taken a hit of late, not that I don't have much to moan about.

I was thrown out of the BB band (of which I was an officer) after 12 years of service because I fell out with the bandmaster's family (yes, I've been sacked from a voluntary post).
I spend most of my days doing tedious readings for university.
I'm still single.
I've started playing that bloody farmville and got addicted.
And I'm on the verge of being sacked from my work (I went in today but the managers were all away in Ellon deciding our fate).

Looking forward to 2011 already.

It's worse than you think Windsor. This could well be as good as it gets. In fact it sounds pretty good to me.

[Windsor]

Dave to the Grave, on Feb 13 2010, 01:08 PM, said:

Windsor, on Feb 12 2010, 11:13 PM, said:

Yes - my posting has taken a hit of late, not that I don't have much to moan about.

I was thrown out of the BB band (of which I was an officer) after 12 years of service because I fell out with the bandmaster's family (yes, I've been sacked from a voluntary post).
I spend most of my days doing tedious readings for university.
I'm still single.
I've started playing that bloody farmville and got addicted.
And I'm on the verge of being sacked from my work (I went in today but the managers were all away in Ellon deciding our fate).

Looking forward to 2011 already.

It's worse than you think Windsor. This could well be as good as it gets. In fact it sounds pretty good to me.

Always look on the bright side of life...and all that...

[Dave to the Grave]

Windsor, on Feb 13 2010, 02:20 PM, said:

Dave to the Grave, on Feb 13 2010, 01:08 PM, said:

Windsor, on Feb 12 2010, 11:13 PM, said:

Yes - my posting has taken a hit of late, not that I don't have much to moan about.

I was thrown out of the BB band (of which I was an officer) after 12 years of service because I fell out with the bandmaster's family (yes, I've been sacked from a voluntary post).
I spend most of my days doing tedious readings for university.
I'm still single.
I've started playing that bloody farmville and got addicted.
And I'm on the verge of being sacked from my work (I went in today but the managers were all away in Ellon deciding our fate).

Looking forward to 2011 already.

It's worse than you think Windsor. This could well be as good as it gets. In fact it sounds pretty good to me.

Always look on the bright side of life...and all that...

I'd never presume to suggest you do such a thing.
In my experience people who always try to look on the bright side of life are awful company. I was just pointing out that looking back or forward can detract from the present. The French philosopher Jean de Shuttleworth uses food as an analogy to make this point far better than I can. (Or is that a metaphor?)

[time]

Censorship.

A mother wants certain books removed from a school library because they're 'inappropriate' for middle-school aged pupils.

Thats right, don't let them grow up, keep them wrapped in cottton-wool forever and when they graduate they'll be absolutly useless.

[Lard Bazaar]

This load of shit

This is supposed to be poetry? My 16 year old daughter is apparently having to learn this for one of her exams. Is this the sort of utter bollocks that they teach kids today? It apparently sparked a conversation, IN HER ENGLISH LESSON, about necrophilia! FOR FUCK'S SAKE! WHAT IS HAPPENING TO THIS COUNTRY? I THINK MY HEAD IS GOING TO EXPLODE!

[time]

Lard Bazaar, on Feb 23 2010, 07:10 PM, said:

This load of shit

This is supposed to be poetry? My 16 year old daughter is apparently having to learn this for one of her exams. Is this the sort of utter bollocks that they teach kids today? It apparently sparked a conversation, IN HER ENGLISH LESSON, about necrophilia! FOR FUCK'S SAKE! WHAT IS HAPPENING TO THIS COUNTRY? I THINK MY HEAD IS GOING TO EXPLODE!

What sort of bollocks would you prefer they teach?




(Just asking.)

[Toast]

Question 9 might be: What does this poem tell us about Carol Ann Duffy?


Now my rant for today. Bloody Waterstones. Someone gave me a £10 gift card at Christmas, and grateful though I was, I really struggled to find anything I wanted that couldn't be found much cheaper elsewhere. Anyway - placed an order, came to £15, filled in all the particulars as required including gift card serial number etc. The items eventually arrived (one was apparently out of stock, so they wouldn't send the other one on its own, bastards).

Aaaaand today my credit card bill has arrived, and you guessed it, they've charged me for the lot, not just the extra fiver. Tossers.

[Lard Bazaar]

time, on Feb 23 2010, 07:20 PM, said:

Lard Bazaar, on Feb 23 2010, 07:10 PM, said:

This load of shit

This is supposed to be poetry? My 16 year old daughter is apparently having to learn this for one of her exams. Is this the sort of utter bollocks that they teach kids today? It apparently sparked a conversation, IN HER ENGLISH LESSON, about necrophilia! FOR FUCK'S SAKE! WHAT IS HAPPENING TO THIS COUNTRY? I THINK MY HEAD IS GOING TO EXPLODE!

What sort of bollocks would you prefer they teach?




(Just asking.)

For a start, something that's not going to start a debate amongst 16 year olds about shagging corpses. Secondly, something that is actually going to stand her in good stead for her adult life, something that might be of some use to her when she enters the workplace. Now, unless she's going to get a job doing those weird pervy movies, I can't see how necrophilia is going to fit into her CV. Thirdly, this is another good excuse for me to have a rant about the shower of shit that passes for the school that she attends. Fourthly, I'd like them to reinforce the morals and decency I have taught her - I do not expect my 16 year old (and a very immature 16 year old at that, she has some learning difficulties) to come home telling me how she 'learnt all about necrophilia today'. Fifthly, I'd like them to sort out their crappy, inaccurate computerised attendance record - she gets letters home accusing her of skiving when she's been sat taking exams in their hall, for fuck's sake. Sixthly, the headmaster is a twat. Seventhly, I realise I have gone slightly off on a tangent. Eightly, I think I should go to bed

[Monoclinic]

Lard Bazaar, on Feb 23 2010, 10:45 PM, said:

For a start, something that's not going to start a debate amongst 16 year olds about shagging corpses. Secondly, something that is actually going to stand her in good stead for her adult life, something that might be of some use to her when she enters the workplace. Now, unless she's going to get a job doing those weird pervy movies, I can't see how necrophilia is going to fit into her CV. Thirdly, this is another good excuse for me to have a rant about the shower of shit that passes for the school that she attends. Fourthly, I'd like them to reinforce the morals and decency I have taught her - I do not expect my 16 year old (and a very immature 16 year old at that, she has some learning difficulties) to come home telling me how she 'learnt all about necrophilia today'. Fifthly, I'd like them to sort out their crappy, inaccurate computerised attendance record - she gets letters home accusing her of skiving when she's been sat taking exams in their hall, for fuck's sake. Sixthly, the headmaster is a twat. Seventhly, I realise I have gone slightly off on a tangent. Eightly, I think I should go to bed

You have my sincere support. How can one expect to take HaviSHAM seriously with such gratuitous use of comic sans. I hope you have managed to tell your daughter that anything written in that font should be disregarded as bollocks.

[harrymcnallysblueandwhitearmy]

Monoclinic, on Feb 23 2010, 10:31 PM, said:

Lard Bazaar, on Feb 23 2010, 10:45 PM, said:

For a start, something that's not going to start a debate amongst 16 year olds about shagging corpses. Secondly, something that is actually going to stand her in good stead for her adult life, something that might be of some use to her when she enters the workplace. Now, unless she's going to get a job doing those weird pervy movies, I can't see how necrophilia is going to fit into her CV. Thirdly, this is another good excuse for me to have a rant about the shower of shit that passes for the school that she attends. Fourthly, I'd like them to reinforce the morals and decency I have taught her - I do not expect my 16 year old (and a very immature 16 year old at that, she has some learning difficulties) to come home telling me how she 'learnt all about necrophilia today'. Fifthly, I'd like them to sort out their crappy, inaccurate computerised attendance record - she gets letters home accusing her of skiving when she's been sat taking exams in their hall, for fuck's sake. Sixthly, the headmaster is a twat. Seventhly, I realise I have gone slightly off on a tangent. Eightly, I think I should go to bed

You have my sincere support. How can one expect to take HaviSHAM seriously with such gratuitous use of comic sans. I hope you have managed to tell your daughter that anything written in that font should be disregarded as bollocks.

I feel proud to have written 1,000+ posts' worth of bollocks and will do my level best to keep up the good work. I'm sad to say that some of my early ones may have been written in sensible font in threads that are now closed - if a kindly mod could re-open them I promise to go back and change them to CS.

[Windsor]

There was an awkward two minutes today where I was travelling through a building with some girl going in the same direction as me.

We had to pass though about 6 doors in quick succession to get to where we were going. Obviously, being a gentleman, I held the door open for her as I was leading. She said thank you. Then came the second door. Again I held it open and she said thank you again with a nervous laugh. Then came the third door...etc.

Do you say thank you for the third, fourth and fifth door? Do you make conversation with the person knowing that there will be a third, fourth, fifth and sixth door? Do you make a small polite joke about the situation? It was very awkward, and I chose to say nothing.

As it happens I do have a strategy for that particularly annoying system of doors. If the door is held open for me (ie if I am following someone) I generally say thank you at the first door and the last door - but not the ones in between. Unfortunately that girl didn't know of my system and this caused the awkwardness.

Isn't life so very complicated...

[honez]

I believe the correct DL etiquette would be to hold the doors open for her as you proceed through them. Whether she thanks you or not is irrelevant. After having built up an expectation of trust over the first five, you should let the sixth slam in her face.
This would help build up her feelings of distrust for blokes stalking her in the future.
You will thereby help her help herself to avoid potentially life-threatening encounters henceforth.

[Magere Hein]

Today's addition to Room 101 must be Gerard Kemkers, coach of Dutch speed skater Sven Kramer, for stupidity beyond the call of duty.


An angry Kramer tosses his sunglasses away after Kemkers gives him the bad news

After 7000 of Kramer's Olympic 10,000m race Kemkers had a brain fart and made Kramer skate two consecutive inner lanes. The referees had no choice but to disqualify Kramer after a race that would have won him his second gold.

[Edit to add: I see Tomb raider already posted about this event -- MH]

regards,
Hein

[Windsor]

Jamie Bulger's mother.

She needs ro realise that the world doesn't owe her a favour.

[Toast]

His name was James. Not Jamie.

I can remember his parents making it clear at the time that they did not call him 'Jamie'. To no avail. The gutter media had already decided otherwise. Presumptuous and lazy hacks have ensured that the poor kid even lost his name.

[Windsor]

Toast, on Mar 8 2010, 07:25 PM, said:

His name was James. Not Jamie.

I can remember his parents making it clear at the time that they did not call him 'Jamie'. To no avail. The gutter media had already decided otherwise. Presumptuous and lazy hacks have ensured that the poor kid even lost his name.

What can I say. I didn't know him.

[Youth in Asia]

I was tricked into joining a gay orgy. They said it was a fishing trip.
I fell for it hook line and sphincter.