A bunch of bus drivers had a wanking contest.
Nothing happened for about 15 minutes...
...then 3 of them came together.
4
2 votes
A Joke Tasteless Merriment. Running River of, DLers, for the amusement of, 1.
Started by maryportfuncity, Jul 23 2005 10:45 PM
1474 replies to this topic
#1302
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LFN Hunter
Posted 16 January 2012 - 01:51 PM
Not the best 'Downfall' video out there, but I like it:
Shadow List 2013.
Hugo Chavez, Brian Shivers, Wojciech Jaruzelski, Michael Winner, Jo Bryant, Sir Henry Cecil, Anne Williams, Tariq Aziz, Ronnie Biggs, Gough Whitlam, Saif al-Islam, John Nkomo, Nelson Mandela, George H. W. Bush, John Derbyshire, Chopper Read, Leslie Phillips, Robert Mugabe, Zsa Zsa Gabor, Margaret Thatcher, Hosni Mubarak, Clive James, Gabriel G. Marquez, Jeremy Thorpe, Damon Harris, Christopher Lee, Ian Paisley, Dora Bryan, John Bardon, Billy Graham, Muhammad Ali, Jalal Talabani, Mikail Kalashnikov, Rochus Misch, Fidel Castro, Denis Healy, Robert G. Edwards, Bob Dole, Nancy Reagan, Stephen Hawking, Jacques Chirac, Bashar al-Assad, Omar Hassan al-Bashir, Bonnie Franklin, Ariel Sharon, Princess Lilian, Grand Duke Jean, Queen Fabiola, Bhumibol Abdulyadej, Fred Phelps
2009: 13/50, 2010: 10/50, 2011: 9/50, 2012: 15/50, 2013:10/50 Winner of the 2010 Dustpool.
Hugo Chavez, Brian Shivers, Wojciech Jaruzelski, Michael Winner, Jo Bryant, Sir Henry Cecil, Anne Williams, Tariq Aziz, Ronnie Biggs, Gough Whitlam, Saif al-Islam, John Nkomo, Nelson Mandela, George H. W. Bush, John Derbyshire, Chopper Read, Leslie Phillips, Robert Mugabe, Zsa Zsa Gabor, Margaret Thatcher, Hosni Mubarak, Clive James, Gabriel G. Marquez, Jeremy Thorpe, Damon Harris, Christopher Lee, Ian Paisley, Dora Bryan, John Bardon, Billy Graham, Muhammad Ali, Jalal Talabani, Mikail Kalashnikov, Rochus Misch, Fidel Castro, Denis Healy, Robert G. Edwards, Bob Dole, Nancy Reagan, Stephen Hawking, Jacques Chirac, Bashar al-Assad, Omar Hassan al-Bashir, Bonnie Franklin, Ariel Sharon, Princess Lilian, Grand Duke Jean, Queen Fabiola, Bhumibol Abdulyadej, Fred Phelps
2009: 13/50, 2010: 10/50, 2011: 9/50, 2012: 15/50, 2013:10/50 Winner of the 2010 Dustpool.
#1303
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LFN Hunter
Posted 18 January 2012 - 01:28 PM
April 14th 1912:
MAN: "Women and children first please."
25 years ago:
WOMAN: "Women want sex equality"
...
15 years ago:
WOMAN:"Women to fight sexism"
5 years ago:
WOMAN:"Women winning on sex equality"
3 days ago:
WOMAN: "It was unbelievable, men were trying to get into the lifeboats before women" x
MAN: "Women and children first please."
25 years ago:
WOMAN: "Women want sex equality"
...
15 years ago:
WOMAN:"Women to fight sexism"
5 years ago:
WOMAN:"Women winning on sex equality"
3 days ago:
WOMAN: "It was unbelievable, men were trying to get into the lifeboats before women" x
Shadow List 2013.
Hugo Chavez, Brian Shivers, Wojciech Jaruzelski, Michael Winner, Jo Bryant, Sir Henry Cecil, Anne Williams, Tariq Aziz, Ronnie Biggs, Gough Whitlam, Saif al-Islam, John Nkomo, Nelson Mandela, George H. W. Bush, John Derbyshire, Chopper Read, Leslie Phillips, Robert Mugabe, Zsa Zsa Gabor, Margaret Thatcher, Hosni Mubarak, Clive James, Gabriel G. Marquez, Jeremy Thorpe, Damon Harris, Christopher Lee, Ian Paisley, Dora Bryan, John Bardon, Billy Graham, Muhammad Ali, Jalal Talabani, Mikail Kalashnikov, Rochus Misch, Fidel Castro, Denis Healy, Robert G. Edwards, Bob Dole, Nancy Reagan, Stephen Hawking, Jacques Chirac, Bashar al-Assad, Omar Hassan al-Bashir, Bonnie Franklin, Ariel Sharon, Princess Lilian, Grand Duke Jean, Queen Fabiola, Bhumibol Abdulyadej, Fred Phelps
2009: 13/50, 2010: 10/50, 2011: 9/50, 2012: 15/50, 2013:10/50 Winner of the 2010 Dustpool.
Hugo Chavez, Brian Shivers, Wojciech Jaruzelski, Michael Winner, Jo Bryant, Sir Henry Cecil, Anne Williams, Tariq Aziz, Ronnie Biggs, Gough Whitlam, Saif al-Islam, John Nkomo, Nelson Mandela, George H. W. Bush, John Derbyshire, Chopper Read, Leslie Phillips, Robert Mugabe, Zsa Zsa Gabor, Margaret Thatcher, Hosni Mubarak, Clive James, Gabriel G. Marquez, Jeremy Thorpe, Damon Harris, Christopher Lee, Ian Paisley, Dora Bryan, John Bardon, Billy Graham, Muhammad Ali, Jalal Talabani, Mikail Kalashnikov, Rochus Misch, Fidel Castro, Denis Healy, Robert G. Edwards, Bob Dole, Nancy Reagan, Stephen Hawking, Jacques Chirac, Bashar al-Assad, Omar Hassan al-Bashir, Bonnie Franklin, Ariel Sharon, Princess Lilian, Grand Duke Jean, Queen Fabiola, Bhumibol Abdulyadej, Fred Phelps
2009: 13/50, 2010: 10/50, 2011: 9/50, 2012: 15/50, 2013:10/50 Winner of the 2010 Dustpool.
#1304
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Shipman
Posted 20 January 2012 - 10:27 PM
I bought a ticket in a lottery to win a Mediterranean cruise. Last week was a rollover...
The Funky Faz's Morgue of Merriment (DDP2013 A list): Robert(a) Cowell 
, Ariel Sharon, Rev Billy Graham, Clive James, Denis Norden, Donald Sinden, Dora Bryan, Eli Woods, Francis Matthews, George H W Bush, John Horsley, Joni Mitchell, Justin Lee Collins, Kenneth Cope, Michael Winner, Patrick Macnee, Peter Sallis, Rochus Misch, Shimon Peres, Tony Britton.
The Funky Faz's Crypt of Chortles (DDP2013 B list): Frank Thornton, Ayatollah Ali Khameini, Bill Maynard, Brian Cant, Burt Kwouk, Deanna Durbin, Denis Healey, Graham Stark, Henry Kissinger, Jerry Lawler, Kirk Douglas, Leslie Phillips, Liz Smith, Lord Dickie Luvvie Luvvie Attenborough, Margaret Thatcher, Mickey Rooney, Nelson Mandela, Ronnie Biggs, Stuart Hall, Warren Mitchell.
The Funky Faz's Wormfood Bingo 2013: Ariel Sharon, Billy Graham, Clive James, Donald Sinden, Eli Woods, George H W Bush, John Horsley, Justin Lee Collins, Michael Winner, Patrick Macnee, Peter Sallis, Tony Britton.
"You've all done very well!"
, Ariel Sharon, Rev Billy Graham, Clive James, Denis Norden, Donald Sinden, Dora Bryan, Eli Woods, Francis Matthews, George H W Bush, John Horsley, Joni Mitchell, Justin Lee Collins, Kenneth Cope, Michael Winner, Patrick Macnee, Peter Sallis, Rochus Misch, Shimon Peres, Tony Britton.The Funky Faz's Crypt of Chortles (DDP2013 B list): Frank Thornton
, Ayatollah Ali Khameini, Bill Maynard, Brian Cant, Burt Kwouk, Deanna Durbin, Denis Healey, Graham Stark, Henry Kissinger, Jerry Lawler, Kirk Douglas, Leslie Phillips, Liz Smith, Lord Dickie Luvvie Luvvie Attenborough, Margaret Thatcher, Mickey Rooney, Nelson Mandela, Ronnie Biggs, Stuart Hall, Warren Mitchell.The Funky Faz's Wormfood Bingo 2013: Ariel Sharon, Billy Graham, Clive James, Donald Sinden, Eli Woods, George H W Bush, John Horsley, Justin Lee Collins, Michael Winner, Patrick Macnee, Peter Sallis, Tony Britton.
"You've all done very well!"
#1305
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LFN Hunter
Posted 31 January 2012 - 01:44 PM
Welcome to Fraserburgh:
Shadow List 2013.
Hugo Chavez, Brian Shivers, Wojciech Jaruzelski, Michael Winner, Jo Bryant, Sir Henry Cecil, Anne Williams, Tariq Aziz, Ronnie Biggs, Gough Whitlam, Saif al-Islam, John Nkomo, Nelson Mandela, George H. W. Bush, John Derbyshire, Chopper Read, Leslie Phillips, Robert Mugabe, Zsa Zsa Gabor, Margaret Thatcher, Hosni Mubarak, Clive James, Gabriel G. Marquez, Jeremy Thorpe, Damon Harris, Christopher Lee, Ian Paisley, Dora Bryan, John Bardon, Billy Graham, Muhammad Ali, Jalal Talabani, Mikail Kalashnikov, Rochus Misch, Fidel Castro, Denis Healy, Robert G. Edwards, Bob Dole, Nancy Reagan, Stephen Hawking, Jacques Chirac, Bashar al-Assad, Omar Hassan al-Bashir, Bonnie Franklin, Ariel Sharon, Princess Lilian, Grand Duke Jean, Queen Fabiola, Bhumibol Abdulyadej, Fred Phelps
2009: 13/50, 2010: 10/50, 2011: 9/50, 2012: 15/50, 2013:10/50 Winner of the 2010 Dustpool.
Hugo Chavez, Brian Shivers, Wojciech Jaruzelski, Michael Winner, Jo Bryant, Sir Henry Cecil, Anne Williams, Tariq Aziz, Ronnie Biggs, Gough Whitlam, Saif al-Islam, John Nkomo, Nelson Mandela, George H. W. Bush, John Derbyshire, Chopper Read, Leslie Phillips, Robert Mugabe, Zsa Zsa Gabor, Margaret Thatcher, Hosni Mubarak, Clive James, Gabriel G. Marquez, Jeremy Thorpe, Damon Harris, Christopher Lee, Ian Paisley, Dora Bryan, John Bardon, Billy Graham, Muhammad Ali, Jalal Talabani, Mikail Kalashnikov, Rochus Misch, Fidel Castro, Denis Healy, Robert G. Edwards, Bob Dole, Nancy Reagan, Stephen Hawking, Jacques Chirac, Bashar al-Assad, Omar Hassan al-Bashir, Bonnie Franklin, Ariel Sharon, Princess Lilian, Grand Duke Jean, Queen Fabiola, Bhumibol Abdulyadej, Fred Phelps
2009: 13/50, 2010: 10/50, 2011: 9/50, 2012: 15/50, 2013:10/50 Winner of the 2010 Dustpool.
#1306
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Film land, Homer!
Posted 01 February 2012 - 12:28 AM
A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking around with a fly swatter. What are you doing?" She asked. "Hunting flies", he responded. "Oh. Killing any?", she asked. "Yep, three males, two females," he replied. Intrigued, she asked: "How can you tell the sex of a fly?" He responded: "Well, three were on a beer can, two were on the phone."
regards,
Hein
regards,
Hein
DDP 2013 team The Grey Horde:
Abdullah bin Abdul-Aziz al-Saud,Giulio Andreotti, Hugo Chávez, Jacques Chirac, Felix Dennis, Bonnie Franklin, Damon Harris, Clive James, Wojciech Jaruzelski, Jiroemon Kimura, Helmut Kohl, Manisha Koirala, Nelson Mandela, Bruno Metsu, Rochus Misch, Robert Mugabe, Julie Newmar, Chopper Read, Sister Wendy, Tito Vilanova
DDP 2013 theme team Minions of Xuleneb:
Theo Bos, Albert II of Belgium, Beatrix of the Netherlands, Corry Brokken, Dick Bruna, Raymond Ceulemans, Godfried Cardinal Danneels, Mark Eyskens, Fabiola of Belgium, John Fentener van Vlissingen, Gerard Helders, Jacky Ickx, Jan Janssen, Jean of Luxembourg, Piet de Jong, Kees Rijvers, Wim Ruska, "Toots" Thielemans, Martinus Veltman, Geert Wilders
Abdullah bin Abdul-Aziz al-Saud,
, DDP 2013 theme team Minions of Xuleneb:
, John Fentener van Vlissingen, #1307
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Dedicated Cumbrian Corpse Hound, or summat
Posted 01 February 2012 - 12:21 PM
An old bloke walks into a sperm bank and demands to make a donation; looking at his ID it's obvious he's 85 years old. The receptionist asks if he can manage to get anything out. "Don't you worry," he says, "My wife's 40 years younger and I satisfy her every night, she's away at the moment so I didn't want to waste a drop, I'll donate."
He's duly despatched with his porno and his jar to a cubicle. Ten minutes later the grunting noises from his cubicle are worrying everyone. The receptionist goes over to knock on the door. "Are you alright in there?" she asks.
"I will be," he says, "when I can get the lid off this f***in' jar!"
He's duly despatched with his porno and his jar to a cubicle. Ten minutes later the grunting noises from his cubicle are worrying everyone. The receptionist goes over to knock on the door. "Are you alright in there?" she asks.
"I will be," he says, "when I can get the lid off this f***in' jar!"
Maryport is a disappointment for which there is no cure, but the annual Deathrace thread hereabouts provides welcome distraction.
#1308
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Shipman
Posted 01 February 2012 - 09:08 PM
maryportfuncity, on 01 February 2012 - 12:21 PM, said:
An old bloke walks into a sperm bank and demands to make a donation; looking at his ID it's obvious he's 85 years old. The receptionist asks if he can manage to get anything out. "Don't you worry," he says, "My wife's 40 years younger and I satisfy her every night, she's away at the moment so I didn't want to waste a drop, I'll donate."
He's duly despatched with his porno and his jar to a cubicle. Ten minutes later the grunting noises from his cubicle are worrying everyone. The receptionist goes over to knock on the door. "Are you alright in there?" she asks.
"I will be," he says, "when I can get the lid off this f***in' jar!"
He's duly despatched with his porno and his jar to a cubicle. Ten minutes later the grunting noises from his cubicle are worrying everyone. The receptionist goes over to knock on the door. "Are you alright in there?" she asks.
"I will be," he says, "when I can get the lid off this f***in' jar!"
Heard it before.
#1309
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Pun Plunderer
Posted 14 February 2012 - 05:59 PM
What's six inches long and won't get sucked on St. Valentines day?
Whitney Houston's crack pipe...
Whitney Houston's crack pipe...
Derby Dead Pool showrunner...
"We're today's scrambled creatures, locked in tomorrow's double feature
Heaven's on the pillow, its silence competes with hell
It's a twenty-four hour service, guaranteed to make you tell
And the streets are full of press men
Bent on getting hung and buried
And the legendary curtains are drawn 'round Baby Bankrupt
Who sucks you while you're sleeping
It's the theatre of financiers
Count them, fifty 'round a table
White and dressed to kill."
David Bowie - We Are The Dead (1974)
"We're today's scrambled creatures, locked in tomorrow's double feature
Heaven's on the pillow, its silence competes with hell
It's a twenty-four hour service, guaranteed to make you tell
And the streets are full of press men
Bent on getting hung and buried
And the legendary curtains are drawn 'round Baby Bankrupt
Who sucks you while you're sleeping
It's the theatre of financiers
Count them, fifty 'round a table
White and dressed to kill."
David Bowie - We Are The Dead (1974)
#1310
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Shipman
Posted 14 February 2012 - 11:25 PM
An American tourist in London decides to skip his tour group and explore the city on his own. He wanders around seeing the sights and occasionally stopping at a quaint pub to soak up the local culture, chat with the lads, and have a pint of Guinness.
After a while, he finds himself in a very high class neighbourhood.....big, stately residences... no pubs, no stores, no restaurants, and worst of all... NO PUBLIC RESTROOMS.
He really, really has to go, after all those Guinnesses.
He finds a narrow side street, with high walls surrounding the adjacent buildings and decides to use the wall to solve his problem. As he is unzipping, he is tapped on the shoulder by a London bobby, who says, "I say, sir, you simply cannot do that here, you know."
"I'm very sorry, officer," replies the American, "but I really, really HAVE TO GO, and I just can't find a public restroom."
"Ah, yes," said the bobby..."Just follow me".
He leads him to a back "delivery alley", then along a wall to a gate, which he opens.
"In there," points the bobby. "Whiz away sir, anywhere you want."
The fellow enters and finds himself in the most beautiful garden he has ever seen. Manicured grass lawns, statuary, fountains, sculpted hedges, and huge beds of gorgeous flowers, all in perfect bloom.
Since he has the cop's blessing, he unburdens himself and is greatly relieved.
As he goes back through the gate, he says to the bobby,"That was really decent of you... is that what you call 'English Hospitality'?"
"No, sir" replies the bobby, "that is what we call the French Embassy."
After a while, he finds himself in a very high class neighbourhood.....big, stately residences... no pubs, no stores, no restaurants, and worst of all... NO PUBLIC RESTROOMS.
He really, really has to go, after all those Guinnesses.
He finds a narrow side street, with high walls surrounding the adjacent buildings and decides to use the wall to solve his problem. As he is unzipping, he is tapped on the shoulder by a London bobby, who says, "I say, sir, you simply cannot do that here, you know."
"I'm very sorry, officer," replies the American, "but I really, really HAVE TO GO, and I just can't find a public restroom."
"Ah, yes," said the bobby..."Just follow me".
He leads him to a back "delivery alley", then along a wall to a gate, which he opens.
"In there," points the bobby. "Whiz away sir, anywhere you want."
The fellow enters and finds himself in the most beautiful garden he has ever seen. Manicured grass lawns, statuary, fountains, sculpted hedges, and huge beds of gorgeous flowers, all in perfect bloom.
Since he has the cop's blessing, he unburdens himself and is greatly relieved.
As he goes back through the gate, he says to the bobby,"That was really decent of you... is that what you call 'English Hospitality'?"
"No, sir" replies the bobby, "that is what we call the French Embassy."
DDP 2012 Team - Dance On Your Grave (=111th 5/20)
DDP 2013 Team - Dance On Your Grave
Sir Henry Cecil -Hugo Chavez - Robert Mugabe - Carla Laemmle - Olivia De Havilland - Reg Presley - Lord Peter Carrington - Bobby Womack - Muhammad Ali - George Blake - Peter Sallis - Ron Jeremy - Prince Phillip - Baron Bramall - Geoffrey Bayldon - Michael Winner - Dora Bryan - Cliff Michelmore - Gough Whitlam - Zsa Zsa Gabor
DDP 2013 Team - Dance On Your Grave
Sir Henry Cecil -
#1311
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I Need To Get A Life!
Posted 22 February 2012 - 03:47 PM
An elderly golfer comes in after a good round of golf at the new course and heads straight to the bar/restaurant area of the club house.
As he passes through the swinging doors, he spots a sign hanging over the bar that reads:
COLD BEER: $5.00
HAMBURGER: $10.00
CHEESEBURGER: $15.50
CHICKEN SANDWICH : $18.50
HAND JOB: $250.00
Checking his wallet to be sure he has the necessary money, the old golfer walks up to the bar and beckons to the exceptionally attractive female bartender who is serving drinks to a couple of sun-wrinkled golfers.
She glides down behind the bar to the old golfer.
“Yes?” she inquires with a wide, knowing smile. “May I help you Sir?”
The old golfer leans over the bar and whispers, “I was wondering young lady, are you the one who gives the hand-jobs around here?”
She looks into his wrinkled eyes and with a wide smile purrs, “Yes Sir, I sure am.”
The old golfer leans in even closer and into her left ear says softly,
“Well then, be sure to wash your hands real good, because I want a cheeseburger.”
As he passes through the swinging doors, he spots a sign hanging over the bar that reads:
COLD BEER: $5.00
HAMBURGER: $10.00
CHEESEBURGER: $15.50
CHICKEN SANDWICH : $18.50
HAND JOB: $250.00
Checking his wallet to be sure he has the necessary money, the old golfer walks up to the bar and beckons to the exceptionally attractive female bartender who is serving drinks to a couple of sun-wrinkled golfers.
She glides down behind the bar to the old golfer.
“Yes?” she inquires with a wide, knowing smile. “May I help you Sir?”
The old golfer leans over the bar and whispers, “I was wondering young lady, are you the one who gives the hand-jobs around here?”
She looks into his wrinkled eyes and with a wide smile purrs, “Yes Sir, I sure am.”
The old golfer leans in even closer and into her left ear says softly,
“Well then, be sure to wash your hands real good, because I want a cheeseburger.”
"If you have nothing to hide you have nothing to fear...." Jacqui Smith - Ex-Home Secretary (and many other misguided fools)
"I fear having to prove I have nothing to hide." Josco
"Necessity is the plea for every infringement of human freedom. It is the argument of tyrants; it is the creed of slaves".
William Pitt, 1783
Shaw's Principle: "Build a system that even a fool can use, and only a fool will want to use it."
"I fear having to prove I have nothing to hide." Josco
"Necessity is the plea for every infringement of human freedom. It is the argument of tyrants; it is the creed of slaves".
William Pitt, 1783
Shaw's Principle: "Build a system that even a fool can use, and only a fool will want to use it."
#1312 Guest_Maryportfuncity_*
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Posted 26 March 2012 - 12:33 PM
A policeman pulled a man over and as he approached the car window he drew his gun and screamed "Where's the little girl!"
The man said, "What little girl?!"
The officer aimed his gun and yelled again, "SHOW ME THE LITTLE GIRL!"
...
The man now in tears, cried, "I SWEAR I DON'T KNOW!"
The officer smiled and said, "...There's the little girl."
The man said, "What little girl?!"
The officer aimed his gun and yelled again, "SHOW ME THE LITTLE GIRL!"
...
The man now in tears, cried, "I SWEAR I DON'T KNOW!"
The officer smiled and said, "...There's the little girl."
#1313
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Dedicated Cumbrian Corpse Hound, or summat
Posted 29 March 2012 - 11:24 AM
Apologies to anyone who finds this offensive (the basic joke is that there was an alternative blacks-only space program in the sixites) but this cracked me up!
Maryport is a disappointment for which there is no cure, but the annual Deathrace thread hereabouts provides welcome distraction.
#1315
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Dedicated Cumbrian Corpse Hound, or summat
Posted 29 March 2012 - 11:55 PM
Wayne Rooney has visited Fabrice Muamba in hospital.
"It's great, he can almost string a sentence together," said Fabrice.
"It's great, he can almost string a sentence together," said Fabrice.
Maryport is a disappointment for which there is no cure, but the annual Deathrace thread hereabouts provides welcome distraction.
#1316
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Zombie Administrator
Posted 30 March 2012 - 06:24 PM
My girlfriend left me because she was sick of me making vagina jokes. I think she was ovary acting.
This is true my form is something odd,
But blaming me is blaming God;
Could I create myself anew
I would not fail in pleasing you.
But blaming me is blaming God;
Could I create myself anew
I would not fail in pleasing you.
#1317
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Assassin
Posted 04 April 2012 - 01:04 PM
A guy i work with won a competition the prize was a trip to africa . He's out there now trying to win a trip back !!
Lychees don't know about my deathwish 2!!
Trust people and they will be true to you , treat them greatly and they will show themselves to be great .
DDP 2013
Michael Winner,Sir Tom Finney, Jiang Zemin , Saif Gaddafi, Dennis Norden ,Sheila Mercier, Jim Bowen ,Chyna ,Clive james, Jiroemon Kimura, Nelson Mandela ,Stefano Borgnovo, Fats Domino, Gough Whitlam ,Bernie Nolan ,Superstar Billy Graham, Bhumibol Adulyadej, Peter Sallis, Lindsey Lohan, Eva Marie Saint.
Hartlepool Deadlypool 2013
Team name : Sovereign-Reaper
Patty Andrews
Superstar Billy Graham
Ronnie Biggs
Henry Cecil
Margaret Thatcher
Lindsey Lohan
Jim Bowen
Bernie Nolan
Saif Gaddafi
Stephen Hawking
Trust people and they will be true to you , treat them greatly and they will show themselves to be great .
DDP 2013
Michael Winner
,Sir Tom Finney, Jiang Zemin , Saif Gaddafi, Dennis Norden ,Sheila Mercier, Jim Bowen ,Chyna ,Clive james, Jiroemon Kimura, Nelson Mandela ,Stefano Borgnovo, Fats Domino, Gough Whitlam ,Bernie Nolan ,Superstar Billy Graham, Bhumibol Adulyadej, Peter Sallis, Lindsey Lohan, Eva Marie Saint.Hartlepool Deadlypool 2013
Team name : Sovereign-Reaper
Superstar Billy Graham
Ronnie Biggs
Henry Cecil
Lindsey Lohan
Jim Bowen
Bernie Nolan
Saif Gaddafi
Stephen Hawking
#1318
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Film land, Homer!
Posted 04 April 2012 - 05:22 PM
the_engineer, on 04 April 2012 - 01:04 PM, said:
A guy i work with won a competition the prize was a trip to africa . He's out there now trying to win a trip back !!
Reminds me of a Dutch radio quiz in which contestants could win a one-way trip to Belgium. For somebody else...
regards,
Hein
DDP 2013 team The Grey Horde:
Abdullah bin Abdul-Aziz al-Saud,Giulio Andreotti, Hugo Chávez, Jacques Chirac, Felix Dennis, Bonnie Franklin, Damon Harris, Clive James, Wojciech Jaruzelski, Jiroemon Kimura, Helmut Kohl, Manisha Koirala, Nelson Mandela, Bruno Metsu, Rochus Misch, Robert Mugabe, Julie Newmar, Chopper Read, Sister Wendy, Tito Vilanova
DDP 2013 theme team Minions of Xuleneb:
Theo Bos, Albert II of Belgium, Beatrix of the Netherlands, Corry Brokken, Dick Bruna, Raymond Ceulemans, Godfried Cardinal Danneels, Mark Eyskens, Fabiola of Belgium, John Fentener van Vlissingen, Gerard Helders, Jacky Ickx, Jan Janssen, Jean of Luxembourg, Piet de Jong, Kees Rijvers, Wim Ruska, "Toots" Thielemans, Martinus Veltman, Geert Wilders
Abdullah bin Abdul-Aziz al-Saud,
, DDP 2013 theme team Minions of Xuleneb:
, John Fentener van Vlissingen, #1319
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Zombie Administrator
Posted 07 April 2012 - 07:43 AM
An old story about the Pope visiting South Africa saw three Whites pull a black man out of the river and killing the crocodile that was attacking him. The Pope blessed the men and said they would be rewarded in heaven. One of the men said, who's that dude? one of the others says I don't know but he hasn't a clue about bait for catching crocodiles.
This is true my form is something odd,
But blaming me is blaming God;
Could I create myself anew
I would not fail in pleasing you.
But blaming me is blaming God;
Could I create myself anew
I would not fail in pleasing you.
#1320
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Hatchet man
Posted 10 April 2012 - 01:21 PM
"FUCK"
Describes many emotions. No other word can be used in such varied grammatical nuances. It can be used as a noun - "I don’t give a fuck", and an adjective - "It’s a fucking beauty", as a verb in its transitive form - "The game was fucked up by the weather” and the intransitive form - "He well and truly fucked it up".
Everyday expressions show it’s true versatility; -
Denial: I’ll be fucked if I did.
Perplexity: I know fuck all about it.
Apathy: Who gives a fuck anyway?
Greeting: How the fuck are you?
Goodbye: Fuck off.
Resignation: Oh fuck it.
Suspicion: Who the fuck are you.
Panic: Lets get the fuck out of here.
Disbelief: How the fuck did you do that.
Amazement: What the fuck did you do that for?
Religious Ecstasy: Holy fuck.
Winning the Lottery: How fucking much.
Derision: He fuck’s everything up.
The word has, of course, been used by some very famous personages through the years, the more notable of these being: -
"What the fuck was that"...........................Mayor of Hiroshima.
"Look at all those fucking Indians"............General Custer.
"What fucking iceberg"?..............................Captain of the Titanic.
"What a place to plant a fucking tree"..... Marc Bolan.
"That’s not a real fucking gun"...................John Lennon
"The fucking throttle’s stuck"......................Donald Campbell.
"Who’s going to fucking know"?................President Nixon.
"What fucking exclusion zone"?..................Captain of the Belgrano.
"Heads are going to fucking roll"...............Ann Boleyn.
"Who let that fucking woman drive"?........ Space Shuttle Captain.
"He’ll have some fucker’s eye out"...........King Harold.
"I thought I could smell fucking petrol"..... Nikki Lauda.
"What’s a fucking map"..............................Mark Thatcher.
"It IS my best fucking coat"......................Michael Foot.
"She’s just my fucking secretary"...............Cecil Parkinson.
"He’s just a fucking mate"..........................Jeremy Thorpe.
"Any fucker can understand that"...............Albert Einstein.
"It fucking looks just like her"....................Picasso.
“How the fuck did you work that out”..............Pythagoras
“You want fucking what on the ceiling.............Micheal Angelo
“Scattered showers my fucking arse”...............Noah
“Anybody got a fucking light”..........................Joan of Arc
Describes many emotions. No other word can be used in such varied grammatical nuances. It can be used as a noun - "I don’t give a fuck", and an adjective - "It’s a fucking beauty", as a verb in its transitive form - "The game was fucked up by the weather” and the intransitive form - "He well and truly fucked it up".
Everyday expressions show it’s true versatility; -
Denial: I’ll be fucked if I did.
Perplexity: I know fuck all about it.
Apathy: Who gives a fuck anyway?
Greeting: How the fuck are you?
Goodbye: Fuck off.
Resignation: Oh fuck it.
Suspicion: Who the fuck are you.
Panic: Lets get the fuck out of here.
Disbelief: How the fuck did you do that.
Amazement: What the fuck did you do that for?
Religious Ecstasy: Holy fuck.
Winning the Lottery: How fucking much.
Derision: He fuck’s everything up.
The word has, of course, been used by some very famous personages through the years, the more notable of these being: -
"What the fuck was that"...........................Mayor of Hiroshima.
"Look at all those fucking Indians"............General Custer.
"What fucking iceberg"?..............................Captain of the Titanic.
"What a place to plant a fucking tree"..... Marc Bolan.
"That’s not a real fucking gun"...................John Lennon
"The fucking throttle’s stuck"......................Donald Campbell.
"Who’s going to fucking know"?................President Nixon.
"What fucking exclusion zone"?..................Captain of the Belgrano.
"Heads are going to fucking roll"...............Ann Boleyn.
"Who let that fucking woman drive"?........ Space Shuttle Captain.
"He’ll have some fucker’s eye out"...........King Harold.
"I thought I could smell fucking petrol"..... Nikki Lauda.
"What’s a fucking map"..............................Mark Thatcher.
"It IS my best fucking coat"......................Michael Foot.
"She’s just my fucking secretary"...............Cecil Parkinson.
"He’s just a fucking mate"..........................Jeremy Thorpe.
"Any fucker can understand that"...............Albert Einstein.
"It fucking looks just like her"....................Picasso.
“How the fuck did you work that out”..............Pythagoras
“You want fucking what on the ceiling.............Micheal Angelo
“Scattered showers my fucking arse”...............Noah
“Anybody got a fucking light”..........................Joan of Arc
DDP 2013
Margaret Thatcher (joker)Eli Wallach, Joan Fontaine, Olivia de Havilland, Fidel Castro, Honsi Mubarak, Peter O’Sullevan, Nelson Mandela, Muhammad Ali, Fats Domino, Prince Phillip, Vera Lynn, Robert Mugabe, Kirk Douglas, Zsa Zsa Gabor, Anna Wing, General Jaruzelski, Dennis Healey, June Brown, Patrick Macnee
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