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A JokeTasteless Merriment. Running River of, DLers, for the amusement of, 1.


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#1301 maryportfuncity

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Posted 29 March 2012 - 11:55 PM

Wayne Rooney has visited Fabrice Muamba in hospital.

"It's great, he can almost string a sentence together," said Fabrice.



Maryport is a disappointment for which there is no cure, but the annual Deathrace thread hereabouts provides welcome distraction.maryport2if5.jpg


#1302 Paul Bearer

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Posted 30 March 2012 - 06:24 PM

My girlfriend left me because she was sick of me making vagina jokes. I think she was ovary acting.
This is true my form is something odd,
But blaming me is blaming God;
Could I create myself anew
I would not fail in pleasing you.

#1303 the_engineer

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Posted 04 April 2012 - 01:04 PM

A guy i work with won a competition the prize was a trip to africa . He's out there now trying to win a trip back !!

I don't believe in coincidences

''I won't have my son playing no pussy DS games''!!

A Man who never eats pork buns is never a whole man .

genesis 22 16 - 18

DDP 2015 - Sovereign-Reaper

Sam Simonjoker.gif, Joost van der westhuizen , Kate granger, Clive James ,Rev Billy Graham , Bobby 'the brain ' Heenan , Michael schumacher, Helen Fawkes, Fidel Castro , Dave Benton , Mario Jorge Lobo Zagallo , Tom Attwater, Jiang Zemin , Caroline Aherne, Paul Gascoigne, Joanne woodward,Peter Sallis,Sidney cooke,Martin Crowe, Ellen albertini dow.

DDP 2015 THEME TEAM - Couldn't even make 50 what lightweights !!

Kate Granger joker.gif, Joost van der westhuizen , Helen Fawkes, Paul gascoigne, Tammy Lynn stych, Ian Watkins, Michael Schumacher, Edward Davenport, Matt 'Rosey' Anoa'i, Jamie lynn spears, Amanda Knox, Divya Palat, Kris Taylor, Frankie Muniz, Amanda Bynes, The great Khali, Jennifer Arnold, Rob ford, Deryck whibley,Kim jong Un.


Hartlepool Deadlypool 2015

1) sam simon
2) billy graham - evangelist
3) Bobby the brain Heenan
4) dr kate granger
5)
misao okawa
6) Joost van der westhuizen
7) caroline aherne
8) martin crowe
9) bhumibol adulyadej
10) helen fawkes


#1304 Magere Hein

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Posted 04 April 2012 - 05:22 PM

A guy i work with won a competition the prize was a trip to africa . He's out there now trying to win a trip back !!


Reminds me of a Dutch radio quiz in which contestants could win a one-way trip to Belgium. For somebody else...

regards,
Hein

DDP 2016 team The Grey Horde (3/20): Sister Wendy, Belmondo, Bettencourt, Crowe joker.gif, Feek, Ford, Glenn, Gorbachev, Rev Graham, Kissinger, Kohl, Leonov, Madoff, Mugabe, Mushatt Jones, O'Connor, Li , Tereshkova, van der Westhuizen, Yeager
DDP 2016 theme team Minions of Xuleneb (0/20): Albert II, Andriessen, Beatrix, Bernhard, Bloembergen, Brokken, Ceulemans, de Jong, Eyskens, Grönloh, Haitink, van 't Hek, Janssen, Jean I, Krebbers, Ricksen joker.gif, Rijvers, Santer, Thielemans, Veltman
DDP 2016 theme team Next slide, please (1/20): Attenborough, Blakemore, Bodmer, Close, Conway Morris, Dawkins, Greenfield, Longair, Meurig Thomas, Morris joker.gif, Graham-Smith, Hewish, Krebs, Phillips, Rothwell, Stewart, Sulston, Wolff, Wolpert, Zeeman


 
Do I contradict myself? Very well, then I contradict myself, I am large, I contain multitudes.


#1305 Paul Bearer

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Posted 07 April 2012 - 07:43 AM

An old story about the Pope visiting South Africa saw three Whites pull a black man out of the river and killing the crocodile that was attacking him. The Pope blessed the men and said they would be rewarded in heaven. One of the men said, who's that dude? one of the others says I don't know but he hasn't a clue about bait for catching crocodiles.
This is true my form is something odd,
But blaming me is blaming God;
Could I create myself anew
I would not fail in pleasing you.

#1306 torbrexbones

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Posted 10 April 2012 - 01:21 PM

"FUCK"
Describes many emotions. No other word can be used in such varied grammatical nuances. It can be used as a noun - "I don’t give a fuck", and an adjective - "It’s a fucking beauty", as a verb in its transitive form - "The game was fucked up by the weather” and the intransitive form - "He well and truly fucked it up".
Everyday expressions show it’s true versatility; -
Denial: I’ll be fucked if I did.
Perplexity: I know fuck all about it.
Apathy: Who gives a fuck anyway?
Greeting: How the fuck are you?
Goodbye: Fuck off.
Resignation: Oh fuck it.
Suspicion: Who the fuck are you.
Panic: Lets get the fuck out of here.
Disbelief: How the fuck did you do that.
Amazement: What the fuck did you do that for?
Religious Ecstasy: Holy fuck.
Winning the Lottery: How fucking much.
Derision: He fuck’s everything up.

The word has, of course, been used by some very famous personages through the years, the more notable of these being: -
"What the fuck was that"...........................Mayor of Hiroshima.
"Look at all those fucking Indians"............General Custer.
"What fucking iceberg"?..............................Captain of the Titanic.
"What a place to plant a fucking tree"..... Marc Bolan.
"That’s not a real fucking gun"...................John Lennon
"The fucking throttle’s stuck"......................Donald Campbell.
"Who’s going to fucking know"?................President Nixon.
"What fucking exclusion zone"?..................Captain of the Belgrano.
"Heads are going to fucking roll"...............Ann Boleyn.
"Who let that fucking woman drive"?........ Space Shuttle Captain.
"He’ll have some fucker’s eye out"...........King Harold.
"I thought I could smell fucking petrol"..... Nikki Lauda.
"What’s a fucking map"..............................Mark Thatcher.
"It IS my best fucking coat"......................Michael Foot.
"She’s just my fucking secretary"...............Cecil Parkinson.
"He’s just a fucking mate"..........................Jeremy Thorpe.
"Any fucker can understand that"...............Albert Einstein.
"It fucking looks just like her"....................Picasso.
“How the fuck did you work that out”..............Pythagoras
“You want fucking what on the ceiling.............Micheal Angelo
“Scattered showers my fucking arse”...............Noah
“Anybody got a fucking light”..........................Joan of Arc

Death Grips Await

Roger Bannister, Kirk Douglas, Olivia de Havilland, Fidel Castro, Muhammad Ali, Fats Domino, Glen Campbell, Jimmy Carter, Bob Newhart, Hugh Hefner, Vera Lynn, Robert Mugabe, Mary Tyler Moore, Zsa Zsa Gabor, June Brown, Jerry Maren, Joost Van Der Westhuizen, Peter Sallis, Jimmy Young, Bhumibol Adulyadej (joker)

 

The Worm Your Honour

Joost Van Der Westhuizen, Bhumibol Adulyadej, Betty White, Tony Booth, Gay Byrne (joker), Jim Bowen, Jerry Lee Lewis, Mary Tyler Moore, Zsa Zsa Gabor, Olivia de Havilland, Fidel Castro, Rev Billy Graham, Denis Norden, Chuck Berry, David Attenborough, Clint Eastwood, Gene Wilder, Roger Banister, Douglas Slocombe, Muhammad Ali

DDP 2015 5/20
DDP 2014 3/20
DDP 2013 4/20


#1307 BufordTJustice

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Posted 13 April 2012 - 09:51 PM

Abu Hamza is releasing a song in the charts.

It's got a good hook.

#1308 maryportfuncity

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Posted 04 June 2012 - 02:22 PM

Haven't seen this much fuss about a floating Queen since Michael Barrymore got arrested!



Maryport is a disappointment for which there is no cure, but the annual Deathrace thread hereabouts provides welcome distraction.maryport2if5.jpg


#1309 charon

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Posted 04 June 2012 - 05:57 PM

My girlfriend's been graped.

You mean raped.

No there was a bunch of them.
And what rough beast, its hour come round at last,
Slouches towards Bethlehem to be born?

#1310 Peter Cushing

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Posted 04 June 2012 - 10:23 PM

What I did today…………….



Been to the gym, then had a nice hot shower.

I've just picked up a bottle of home brew from one of the neighbours for this afternoon.

I've got a few joints rolled up for the XBox tournament with the lads.

After that I'll muck around online with some porn and gambling sites.

Then to finish off the perfect day, it's a nice blow job before I go to bed.


Fuck, I love this prison!


#1311 Paul Bearer

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Posted 05 June 2012 - 12:24 AM

My girlfriend's been graped.

You mean raped.

No there was a bunch of them.


The old 'uns are the best, eh?
This is true my form is something odd,
But blaming me is blaming God;
Could I create myself anew
I would not fail in pleasing you.

#1312 charon

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Posted 05 June 2012 - 05:22 AM

The old 'uns are the best, eh?


Always :smileyd:

Ach there is only a few jokes anyways and they just get rehashed. See Harpic and Princess Grace of Monaco, which got redone for Ayrton Senna and again for Dianna.
And what rough beast, its hour come round at last,
Slouches towards Bethlehem to be born?

#1313 the_engineer

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Posted 17 June 2012 - 06:12 PM

Rodney King has been found dead in a swimming pool according to reports Rodney was screaming about a white man trying to hold him down.

I don't believe in coincidences

''I won't have my son playing no pussy DS games''!!

A Man who never eats pork buns is never a whole man .

genesis 22 16 - 18

DDP 2015 - Sovereign-Reaper

Sam Simonjoker.gif, Joost van der westhuizen , Kate granger, Clive James ,Rev Billy Graham , Bobby 'the brain ' Heenan , Michael schumacher, Helen Fawkes, Fidel Castro , Dave Benton , Mario Jorge Lobo Zagallo , Tom Attwater, Jiang Zemin , Caroline Aherne, Paul Gascoigne, Joanne woodward,Peter Sallis,Sidney cooke,Martin Crowe, Ellen albertini dow.

DDP 2015 THEME TEAM - Couldn't even make 50 what lightweights !!

Kate Granger joker.gif, Joost van der westhuizen , Helen Fawkes, Paul gascoigne, Tammy Lynn stych, Ian Watkins, Michael Schumacher, Edward Davenport, Matt 'Rosey' Anoa'i, Jamie lynn spears, Amanda Knox, Divya Palat, Kris Taylor, Frankie Muniz, Amanda Bynes, The great Khali, Jennifer Arnold, Rob ford, Deryck whibley,Kim jong Un.


Hartlepool Deadlypool 2015

1) sam simon
2) billy graham - evangelist
3) Bobby the brain Heenan
4) dr kate granger
5)
misao okawa
6) Joost van der westhuizen
7) caroline aherne
8) martin crowe
9) bhumibol adulyadej
10) helen fawkes


#1314 maryportfuncity

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Posted 18 June 2012 - 03:36 PM

Posted Image


Seriously; apologies if anyone is offended!



Maryport is a disappointment for which there is no cure, but the annual Deathrace thread hereabouts provides welcome distraction.maryport2if5.jpg


#1315 charon

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Posted 19 June 2012 - 06:36 AM

''Rodney King found dead in pool." "Whitney Houston found dead in bath." Is this why black people don't wash?
And what rough beast, its hour come round at last,
Slouches towards Bethlehem to be born?

#1316 Falkekopf

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Posted 20 June 2012 - 11:19 AM

My girlfriend wanted to try sadism, I said no but she managed to twist my arm!

DDP 2016 Team - Dance On Your Grave

Howard Marks - Martin Crowe - Valerie Harper - Prince Phillip - Baron Bramall - Olivia De Havilland - Lord Peter Carrington - Caroline Aherne - Rev Billy Graham - George Blake - Peter Sallis - Nik Turner - Cliff Michelmore - Tony Booth - Geoffrey Bayldon - Muhammad Ali - Zsa Zsa Gabor - Denis Nordon - Tommy Chong - Clive James


#1317 charon

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Posted 20 June 2012 - 03:50 PM

My girlfriend wanted to try sadism, I said no but she managed to twist my arm!


Similar to the old fav...

''I asked the wife if she wanted to play a game of rape..

''No'' she cried

''Thats the spirit''.....................
And what rough beast, its hour come round at last,
Slouches towards Bethlehem to be born?

#1318 maryportfuncity

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Posted 23 June 2012 - 10:57 PM

"How's that?" I said to my wife as I rubbed her clit.

"Nothing, sorry."

"How about now?" I said, slipping a finger in.

"Still nothing."

"And now?" I asked, adding another.

"You don't quite understand quadriplegia, do you love?"



Maryport is a disappointment for which there is no cure, but the annual Deathrace thread hereabouts provides welcome distraction.maryport2if5.jpg


#1319 maryportfuncity

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Posted 07 July 2012 - 04:33 PM

Who says political correctness isn't working? That black tranny has just won his fifth Wimbledon singles title?



Maryport is a disappointment for which there is no cure, but the annual Deathrace thread hereabouts provides welcome distraction.maryport2if5.jpg


#1320 Guest_Johanna_*

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Posted 07 July 2012 - 04:49 PM

Why shouldn't you buy Ukranian underpants?

Because Chernobyl fall out.




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