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Wayne Rooney has visited Fabrice Muamba in hospital.

 

"It's great, he can almost string a sentence together," said Fabrice.

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My girlfriend left me because she was sick of me making vagina jokes. I think she was ovary acting.

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A guy i work with won a competition the prize was a trip to africa . He's out there now trying to win a trip back !!

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A guy i work with won a competition the prize was a trip to africa . He's out there now trying to win a trip back !!

 

Reminds me of a Dutch radio quiz in which contestants could win a one-way trip to Belgium. For somebody else...

 

regards,

Hein

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An old story about the Pope visiting South Africa saw three Whites pull a black man out of the river and killing the crocodile that was attacking him. The Pope blessed the men and said they would be rewarded in heaven. One of the men said, who's that dude? one of the others says I don't know but he hasn't a clue about bait for catching crocodiles.

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"FUCK"

Describes many emotions. No other word can be used in such varied grammatical nuances. It can be used as a noun - "I don’t give a fuck", and an adjective - "It’s a fucking beauty", as a verb in its transitive form - "The game was fucked up by the weather” and the intransitive form - "He well and truly fucked it up".

Everyday expressions show it’s true versatility; -

Denial: I’ll be fucked if I did.

Perplexity: I know fuck all about it.

Apathy: Who gives a fuck anyway?

Greeting: How the fuck are you?

Goodbye: Fuck off.

Resignation: Oh fuck it.

Suspicion: Who the fuck are you.

Panic: Lets get the fuck out of here.

Disbelief: How the fuck did you do that.

Amazement: What the fuck did you do that for?

Religious Ecstasy: Holy fuck.

Winning the Lottery: How fucking much.

Derision: He fuck’s everything up.

 

The word has, of course, been used by some very famous personages through the years, the more notable of these being: -

"What the fuck was that"...........................Mayor of Hiroshima.

"Look at all those fucking Indians"............General Custer.

"What fucking iceberg"?..............................Captain of the Titanic.

"What a place to plant a fucking tree"..... Marc Bolan.

"That’s not a real fucking gun"...................John Lennon

"The fucking throttle’s stuck"......................Donald Campbell.

"Who’s going to fucking know"?................President Nixon.

"What fucking exclusion zone"?..................Captain of the Belgrano.

"Heads are going to fucking roll"...............Ann Boleyn.

"Who let that fucking woman drive"?........ Space Shuttle Captain.

"He’ll have some fucker’s eye out"...........King Harold.

"I thought I could smell fucking petrol"..... Nikki Lauda.

"What’s a fucking map"..............................Mark Thatcher.

"It IS my best fucking coat"......................Michael Foot.

"She’s just my fucking secretary"...............Cecil Parkinson.

"He’s just a fucking mate"..........................Jeremy Thorpe.

"Any fucker can understand that"...............Albert Einstein.

"It fucking looks just like her"....................Picasso.

“How the fuck did you work that out”..............Pythagoras

“You want fucking what on the ceiling.............Micheal Angelo

“Scattered showers my fucking arse”...............Noah

“Anybody got a fucking light”..........................Joan of Arc

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Abu Hamza is releasing a song in the charts.

 

It's got a good hook.

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Haven't seen this much fuss about a floating Queen since Michael Barrymore got arrested!

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My girlfriend's been graped.

 

You mean raped.

 

No there was a bunch of them.

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Guest

What I did today…………….

 

 

 

Been to the gym, then had a nice hot shower.

 

I've just picked up a bottle of home brew from one of the neighbours for this afternoon.

 

I've got a few joints rolled up for the XBox tournament with the lads.

 

After that I'll muck around online with some porn and gambling sites.

 

Then to finish off the perfect day, it's a nice blow job before I go to bed.

 

 

Fuck, I love this prison!

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My girlfriend's been graped.

 

You mean raped.

 

No there was a bunch of them.

 

The old 'uns are the best, eh?

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The old 'uns are the best, eh?

 

Always :smileyd:

 

Ach there is only a few jokes anyways and they just get rehashed. See Harpic and Princess Grace of Monaco, which got redone for Ayrton Senna and again for Dianna.

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Rodney King has been found dead in a swimming pool according to reports Rodney was screaming about a white man trying to hold him down.

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the+passive+aggression+of+christ_4fc80b_3803447.gif

 

 

Seriously; apologies if anyone is offended!

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''Rodney King found dead in pool." "Whitney Houston found dead in bath." Is this why black people don't wash?

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My girlfriend wanted to try sadism, I said no but she managed to twist my arm!

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My girlfriend wanted to try sadism, I said no but she managed to twist my arm!

 

Similar to the old fav...

 

''I asked the wife if she wanted to play a game of rape..

 

''No'' she cried

 

''Thats the spirit''.....................

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"How's that?" I said to my wife as I rubbed her clit.

 

"Nothing, sorry."

 

"How about now?" I said, slipping a finger in.

 

"Still nothing."

 

"And now?" I asked, adding another.

 

"You don't quite understand quadriplegia, do you love?"

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Who says political correctness isn't working? That black tranny has just won his fifth Wimbledon singles title?

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Guest Johanna

Why shouldn't you buy Ukranian underpants?

 

Because Chernobyl fall out.

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I remember my ex once stood in front of the mirror and said she felt fat and ugly. She asked if I could pay her a compliment so I said, "Your eyesight's good."

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A Higgs Bosun particle walks into the church and the priest says “You can’t come in here”, so the particle says……………………………………………”Well you can’t have Mass without me” :pop:

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602379_10150919274410981_1039554461_n.jpg

 

I'd have some fairtrade twat . B)

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