Boudicca 702 Posted July 27, 2006 How long before this is merged with the Meinhardt Raabe thread, I wonder Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Anubis the Jackal 76 Posted July 27, 2006 Not a Potato! I have never had sex with a dwarf but I did once get hit on the head by a potato as I was walking along the street. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Banshees Scream 107 Posted July 27, 2006 How long before this is merged with the Meinhardt Raabe thread, I wonder Bou I thought you were dead! You haven't stopped by to say hello in ages! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Magere Hein 1,397 Posted July 27, 2006 What exactly are the height specifications of dwarfs (or dwarves)?4 ft 10 and under according to wiki http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dwarfism Or 1.47 m. No, never had sex with a dwarf, but it was close. regards, Hein Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Gunjaman5000 30 Posted July 27, 2006 What exactly are the height specifications of dwarfs (or dwarves)?4 ft 10 and under according to wiki http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dwarfism Or 1.47 m. No, never had sex with a dwarf, but it was close. regards, Hein Sex on a wharf? Close enough? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Twelvetrees 10 Posted July 27, 2006 It all depends on your sense of humour. I was once told to "f*ck off" by Father Christmas at Printemps in Paris on my birthday. I think they were the only English words he knew. There were elves, but no dwarves though. When I was ten or eleven, I also saw the bareback rider (Oooooeerrrr missus) fall dead from his horse at the circus. His corpse was dragged off by clowns. People thought it was part of the act and cheered. The ringmaster made an announcement later in the show. I am not sure whether anyone cheered him. These scenes from my childhood have made me who I am today. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Banshees Scream 107 Posted July 28, 2006 It all depends on your sense of humour. I was once told to "f*ck off" by Father Christmas at Printemps in Paris on my birthday. I think they were the only English words he knew. There were elves, but no dwarves though. When I was ten or eleven, I also saw the bareback rider (Oooooeerrrr missus) fall dead from his horse at the circus. His corpse was dragged off by clowns. People thought it was part of the act and cheered. The ringmaster made an announcement later in the show. I am not sure whether anyone cheered him. These scenes from my childhood have made me who I am today. Almost as if the spirits of that day are trapped within your soul. I went to hooters recently, and some retarded guy walked in and actually thought the waitress had interest in him. I was choking on my food. Like she could actually care. Then after that some guys in there mid 50's walked in with white paint all over them. These are the assholes that probably come regularly and think the 'Hooter Girls' love them. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Josco 48 Posted July 28, 2006 What exactly are the height specifications of dwarfs (or dwarves)? regards, Hein 4 ft 10 and under according to wiki http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dwarfism Please ladies and gentlemen, let us try to be a little more politically correct. They should be referred to as PORGs, Persons Of Restricted Growth. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
DevonDeathTrip 2,288 Posted July 28, 2006 What exactly are the height specifications of dwarfs (or dwarves)? regards, Hein 4 ft 10 and under according to wiki http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dwarfism Please ladies and gentlemen, let us try to be a little more politically correct. They should be referred to as PORGs, Persons Of Restricted Growth. Try your hand at dwarf throwing. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Anubis the Jackal 76 Posted July 28, 2006 I'll see your Father Christmas and raise you a Rod Hull! He was getting stuck in to the scotch well before the sun was over the yard-arm at a charity 'Fun Day' and my approach for an autograph was met with those exact words. It all depends on your sense of humour. I was once told to "f*ck off" by Father Christmas at Printemps in Paris on my birthday. I think they were the only English words he knew. There were elves, but no dwarves though. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Handrejka 1,840 Posted July 28, 2006 I once went to a Halloween party dressed up as a corpse and no-one realised I was in costume. Also kind of death related. My nan died in Feb 01, the same time as Cologen Carnival. I was living in Cologne at the time and it was rather funny to be going home for the funeral surrounded by guys dressed as Pippi Longstocking. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Star Crossed 33 Posted July 28, 2006 I'll see your Father Christmas and raise you a Rod Hull! He was getting stuck in to the scotch well before the sun was over the yard-arm at a charity 'Fun Day' and my approach for an autograph was met with those exact words. The dénouement of that story ought to be "I had the last laugh, though, when I sold him that dodgy bracket for his satellite dish." Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Canadian Paul 93 Posted July 28, 2006 I'd hate to be the one to give them the short end of the stick. You left yourself open for this one - I don't think we needed to know about your anatomical shortcomings. My pun has been turned back on me... looks like you got the chance to throw my coat back at me as I left. Ah well, I still got by with the one in the Evel Knievel thread. As for Deathlist Comedy, can't think of anything for myself while I'm at work, but I'll get around to it. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Banshees Scream 107 Posted July 28, 2006 What exactly are the height specifications of dwarfs (or dwarves)? regards, Hein 4 ft 10 and under according to wiki http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dwarfism Please ladies and gentlemen, let us try to be a little more politically correct. They should be referred to as PORGs, Persons Of Restricted Growth. Try your hand at dwarf throwing. I would love that, just pick one up and f****n throw him five or ten feet. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Windsor 2,142 Posted August 2, 2006 When anyone calls our house speaking proper or with a pakistani accent, we basically assume that it's people selling things over the phone. Anyway, last week we had such a call from a posh lady; my father answered the phone. The lady asked for my mother pronouncing the Scottish surname wrongly as usual. My father quicky thought of an excuse to get out of the phonecall saying, 'I'm very sorry, but my wife has died'. The woman proceded to hang up. Anyway, my mother is one of those Avon ladies. Turned out it was the area chief inviting her to the President's dinner. The phone lady must have been mightly confused when my mother answered the phone the next time! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Banshees Scream 107 Posted August 3, 2006 Anyway, my mother is one of those Avon ladies. Turned out it was the area chief inviting her to the President's dinner. The phone lady must have been mightly confused when my mother answered the phone the next time! So your father really screwed up. He should have just said she was out shopping, I think you've brushed some of your humor on him Windsor. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
maryportfuncity 10,013 Posted August 3, 2006 Mybrainhurts2, West Cumbrians are sometimes a wee bit off the pace where current slang expressions are concerned. Am I right in guessing cockblocking amounts to someone deliberately wading into a situation to prevent the people already engaged in communicating having sex? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
maryportfuncity 10,013 Posted August 3, 2006 Not recommended for those easily offended. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Twelvetrees 10 Posted August 3, 2006 I'll see your Father Christmas and raise you a Rod Hull! Anubis - the late unlamented Rod Hull was a particularly bitter man. Evidently he had a dick the size of a barber's pole, not that that helps when you spend your adult life playing the stooge to a puppet. I am uncertain as to the penile prowess of Johnny Morris. But I can provide evidence as to his character. In yet another childhood trauma (I have a psychiatric ward full of them), whilst on a trip to Bristol Zoo, I asked the jovial bicycling animal vocalist for his autograph. His response was a simple "Piss off, I'm filming". When I told this story to a friend many years later, I was met with the response. "Yeah? - he did exactly the same to me, evidently everyone knew he was a right c*nt and hated kids" I still watched him on 'Animal Magic' after that, but only in the forlorn hope that he would be torn to pieces by baboons. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Tuber Mirum 119 Posted August 3, 2006 Chap I know used to work for a well-known symphony orchestra in the city of Birmingham. They used to do children's concerts with Johnny Morris. Apparently he was completely pished all the time and used to fall off the stage quite a bit. Top entertainment it must have been. I hope that's some kind of a consolation. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Godot 148 Posted August 3, 2006 I'll see your Father Christmas and raise you a Rod Hull! Anubis - the late unlamented Rod Hull was a particularly bitter man. Evidently he had a dick the size of a barber's pole, not that that helps when you spend your adult life playing the stooge to a puppet. I am uncertain as to the penile prowess of Johnny Morris. But I can provide evidence as to his character. In yet another childhood trauma (I have a psychiatric ward full of them), whilst on a trip to Bristol Zoo, I asked the jovial bicycling animal vocalist for his autograph. His response was a simple "Piss off, I'm filming". When I told this story to a friend many years later, I was met with the response. "Yeah? - he did exactly the same to me, evidently everyone knew he was a right c*nt and hated kids" I still watched him on 'Animal Magic' after that, but only in the forlorn hope that he would be torn to pieces by baboons. In the light of this I'm wondering if Emu was a glove puppet or not. Could Hull work it without his hands? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest john Posted August 3, 2006 Ice cream man was found dead in his van the other day covered in hundreds and thousands. Police say he topped himself............. Two young lad's nicked by the police. One was eating gun powder and the other was drinking battery acid. They let one of with a caution but the other got charged. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Phantom 2,467 Posted August 3, 2006 Ice cream man was found dead in his van the other day covered in hundreds and thousands. Police say he topped himself............. Two young lad's nicked by the police. One was eating gun powder and the other was drinking battery acid. They let one of with a caution but the other got charged. I would have thought that the one eating gun powder would have been bang to rights Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Twelvetrees 10 Posted August 3, 2006 In the light of this I'm wondering if Emu was a glove puppet or not. Could Hull work it without his hands? Does your hypothesis extends to Bernie Clifton? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest john Posted August 3, 2006 In the light of this I'm wondering if Emu was a glove puppet or not. Could Hull work it without his hands? Does your hypothesis extends to Bernie Clifton? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
