Jump to content


Replying to A Joke


Post Options

  or Cancel


Topic Summary

Bibliogryphon

Posted Today, 11:14 AM

David Moyes has a new job lined up.

UKIP have hired him because he is so good at keeping out of Europe.

maryportfuncity

Posted Yesterday, 08:02 PM

Okay, it's a nick from the Sicki...but:

I can't wait to hear Maroon 5's new swing track, "Moves Like Jagger's Girlfriend."

Perfect Passing

Posted Yesterday, 07:56 PM

In a dark and hazy room, peering into a crystal ball, the clairvoyant delivered grave news.
"There's no easy way to tell you this, so I'll just be blunt.
Prepare yourself to be a widow.
Your wife will die a violent and horrible death this year."
Visibly shaken, he stared at the mystic's lined face, then at the single flickering candle, then down at his hands.
He took a few deep breaths to compose himself and to stop his mind racing.
He simply had to know.
He met the fortune teller's gaze, steadied his voice and asked,
"Will I be acquitted?"

Perfect Passing

Posted 01 April 2014 - 02:28 AM

Just got off the phone with a friend who lives in Scotland.

She said that since early this morning the snow has been nearly waist high and is still falling.

The temperature is dropping far below zero and the north wind is increasing to near gale force.

Her husband has done nothing but look through the kitchen window and just stare.

She says that if it gets much worse, she may have to let the drunken bastard in.

Dr. Zorders

Posted 29 March 2014 - 10:12 PM

Did you hear Deathray went for a circumcision operation? But the doctor said "I can't operate on this man - there's no end to this prick."

Dr. Zorders

Posted 29 March 2014 - 07:39 AM

How does Bob Marley like his donuts?

Not at all - he's been dead for over 30 years you ignorant cunt - and besides donuts probably aren't the kind of thing Rastafarians like to eat, they prefer a natural diet rich in fruit and vegetables.

Dr. Zorders

Posted 27 March 2014 - 05:36 AM

I came across this guy in the woods who had a radio playing some Frank Sinatra while he was shooting badgers.

I was like "What the fuck's that about, then?"

He said "It's classy cull music."

Perfect Passing

Posted 25 March 2014 - 11:52 AM

A YORKSHIRE LOVE STORY

An elderly man lay dying in his bed. While suffering the agonies of impending death, he suddenly smelled the aroma of his favourite scones wafting up the stairs. He gathered his remaining strength and lifted himself from the bed.

Leaning on the wall, he slowly made his way out of the bedroom, and with even greater effort, gripping the railing with both hands, he crawled downstairs. With laboured breath, he leaned against the door-frame, gazing into the kitchen.

Were it not for death's agony, he would have thought himself already in heaven, for there, spread out upon the kitchen table, were literally hundreds of his favourite scones. Was it heaven? Or was it one final act of love from his devoted Yorkshire wife of sixty years, seeing to it that he left this world a happy man?

Mustering one great final effort, he threw himself towards the table, landing on his knees in rumpled posture. His aged and withered...

Dr. Zorders

Posted 25 March 2014 - 12:01 AM

View PostPerfect Passing, on 24 March 2014 - 11:17 PM, said:

View PostDr. Zorders, on 22 March 2014 - 06:13 PM, said:

A guy bursts into his house excitedly and says to his wife "Pack your bags, I've won the lottery!"

"Well where are we going, somewhere warm or cold? Should I pack light clothes or something heavier?"

"Just pack 'em, and fuck off!"

Perfect Passing

Posted 24 March 2014 - 11:17 PM

View PostDr. Zorders, on 22 March 2014 - 06:13 PM, said:

A guy bursts into his house excitedly and says to his wife "Pack your bags, I've won the lottery!"

"Well where are we going, somewhere warm or cold? Should I pack light clothes or something heavier?"

"Just pack 'em, and fuck off!"

Very Funny Doc, however,
"1997 was 17 years ago now"
One straight from when the lottery was launched back in 1994 I guess?

LOL

Review the complete topic (launches new window)