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Toast

Posted Yesterday, 06:33 PM

 

FFS there's some awful puns masquerading as jokes in the last few posts.

 

Speaking of which...is it right that One Direction have been renamed 0.8 Direction?

Nah, it's just a Malikious rumour.

 

 

They were originally going to be called New Direction, until someone must have noticed what else that sounds like.  True.


YoungWillz

Posted Yesterday, 03:05 PM

FFS there's some awful puns masquerading as jokes in the last few posts.

 

Speaking of which...is it right that One Direction have been renamed 0.8 Direction?

Nah, it's just a Malikious rumour.


maryportfuncity

Posted Yesterday, 02:01 PM

FFS there's some awful puns masquerading as jokes in the last few posts.

 

Speaking of which...is it right that One Direction have been renamed 0.8 Direction?


Phantom

Posted 23 March 2015 - 05:25 PM

I had to leave my job as the census taker at a sheep farm. I kept falling asleep.


Dr. Zorders

Posted 22 March 2015 - 07:39 AM

Anyone heard the rumours Captain Scarlet is autistic?

He's definitely somewhere on the spectrum anyway.


Toast

Posted 20 March 2015 - 07:02 PM

They said it would be safe to watch the solar eclipse if we used a colander.

 

I tried it, but strained my eyes.


Phantom

Posted 20 March 2015 - 05:21 PM

A friend of mine entered his dog at Crufts.

He got 2 years.


torbrexbones

Posted 19 March 2015 - 10:04 PM

One afternoon a man came home from work to find total mayhem in his house. His three children were outside, still in their pyjamas, playing in the mud with empty food boxes and wrappers strewn all around the front yard.

The door of his wife's car was open, as was the front door to the house. Proceeding into the entry, he found an even bigger mess. A lamp had been knocked over, and the throw rug was wadded against one wall. In the front room, the TV was loudly blaring a cartoon channel, and the family room was strewn with toys and various items of clothing. In the kitchen, dishes filled the sink, breakfast food was spilled on the counter, dog food was spilled on the floor, a broken glass lay under the table, and a small pile of sand was spread by the back door.

He ran up the stairs, stepping over toys and more piles of clothes, looking for his wife. He was worried she might be ill, or that something serious had happened. He found her lounging in the bedroom, still curled up in the bed, still in her pajamas, reading a novel.

She looked up at him, smiled, and asked how his day went.

He looked at her bewildered and asked, "What happened here today?"

She again smiled and answered, "You know every day when you come home from work and ask me what in the world I did today?"

"Yes," was his incredulous reply, half shouting.

The smile remained, "Well, today I didn't do it."
 


Sir Creep

Posted 16 March 2015 - 11:03 PM

How many feet of pavement can one old lady clean in 5 minutes?
About 80' if you hit her just right
SC
http://m.bbc.com/new...t-fife-31911949

maryportfuncity

Posted 14 March 2015 - 12:47 PM

The Canadian Tire Company used to have a Christmas slogan that read: Give like Santa, save like Scrooge.

 

I'm seeing those words splashed over a big condom ad in which you see a bloke squeezing the contents of a condom into a big jar!


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