Replying to A Joke

Wayne Rooney's newborn son Klay, was named in honour of his father.

Thick and difficult to work with.

Once upon a midnight dreary, while I pondered weak and weary,
Over many a quaint and curious volume of forgotten lore,
While I nodded, nearly napping, suddenly there came a tapping,
As of some one gently rapping, rapping at my chamber door.
`'Tis some visitor,' I muttered, `tapping at my chamber door...

It was my large double meatasaurus with extra cheese and BBQ sauce.

David moyes has it all wrong ,its not Manchester united that signed him its united utilities in Manchester. They heard he was good at keeping shit afloat .

A man is alone in an airport lounge.
A beautiful woman walks in and sits down at the table next to him.

He decides because she's wearing a uniform, she's probably an off-duty
flight attendant.

So he decides to have a go at picking her up by identifying the
airline she flies for, thereby impressing her greatly.

He leans across to her and says the British Airways motto : 'To Fly. To Serve'.

The woman looks at him blankly.

He sits back and thinks up another line.
He leans forward again and delivers the Air France motto: 'Winning the hearts of the world'.

Again she just stares at him with a slightly puzzled look on her face.
Undeterred, he tries again, this time saying the Malaysian Airlines motto: 'Going beyond expectations'.

The woman looks at him sternly and says: 'What the F*ck do you want?'

'Ah!...

Google: I know everything.
Facebook: I know everyone.
Internet: Without me, you're nothing.
Electricity: Keep talking fools.

Masambula, an African refugee, has been in England for 2 months & phones his cousin back in Africa. "It's great here," he explains."I go to a place called 'The pub' & we play this game where we throw funny little spears at a round target with numbers on it. I keep winning lots of money." "What's the game called?" asks his cousin. "Not sure," replies Masambula, "but I think it's called Jammy black cunt".

I swallowed some scrabble pieces the other day and went to the doctor.
He examined me and said it should be o.k. but going for a shit could spell trouble.

David Beckham gets into a cab, and he sees the driver looking at him in the rear view mirror, after about 5 minutes, the driver says, ok give me a clue. Becks says, I had a glittering career at Man U, played in America and also got over 100 caps for England, is that enough ? Driver says 'No you thick cunt, where you going ?'

If a leper gives you the finger, do you have to give it back?