Replying to A Joke
Posted Today, 02:15 AM
Posted Yesterday, 10:09 PM
Posted 04 February 2016 - 05:14 PM
A blind old cowboy one day wandered by mistake into an all-girl biker bar. Placing himself on a barstool, he ordered a shot of whiskey. After sitting there for a while, he shouted to the bartender: ‘Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke buddy?’
The bar fell silent. After a moment, a deep husky woman’s voice next to him said: ‘Before you tell that joke, Cowboy, I think it’s only fair – given that you are blind – that you should know five things:
1. The bartender is a blonde woman with a baseball bat.
2. The bouncer also has fair hair.
3. I’m a 6-foot tall blonde woman who weighs 175-pounds and has a black belt in karate.
4. The woman next to me is blonde professional weight lifter.
5. And the lady to your right is a blonde professional wrestler.
Think about this seriously, Cowboy. Do you still wanna tell that blonde joke?’
Considering this for a second, he shook his head and muttered to himself: ‘No, not if I’m gonna have to explain it five times.’
Posted 01 February 2016 - 10:00 PM
Really not a good week for Terry's is it. One dead, one sacked.
Holding out for the dreary news in the horrible history of Deary and another footballer going for a Burton.
Posted 01 February 2016 - 09:57 PM
A baby polar approaches his mum. 'Mum are you sure i'm a polar bear?' he squeals. 'Of course you are, silly' replies Mum, 'you've got white fur, teeth, claws..of course you're a polar bear'. Baby goes away. Next day, 'Mum are you sure i'm a polar bear?' he squeals. 'Of course you are, silly' replies Mum slightly annoyed, 'you eat seals and fish and you don't have tusks, so you're not a walrus (tee hee) are you?'. Baby goes away. Next day 'Mum are you sure i'm a polar bear?' he squeals. 'Of course you are, silly' replies Mum getting more annoyed 'I'm a polar bear, you're dad's a polar bear, your brother Eric he's a polar bear, your sister Sylvia she's a polar bear, so you obviously are a fffff flippin' polar bear'. Next day 'Mum are you sure i'm a polar bear?' says Baby. Now, really annoyed, Mum says 'I've explained it all to you, why oh why for the love of Nanook do you keep asking if you're polar bear?' Baby looks up at her with doeful eyes and says 'because Mum, i'm fucking freezing!'.
Posted 30 January 2016 - 03:12 PM
Paddy rings his new girlfriend's door bell, carrying a big bunch of flowers.
She opens the door, sees the flowers, and drags him in.
She lies back on the couch, pulls her skirt up, rips her knickers off and says 'This is for the flowers!'
'That's just silly', says Paddy, 'You must have a vase somewhere!'
Posted 30 January 2016 - 03:03 PM
Please try not to be morbidlydullkid
Lord Fellatio Nelson
Posted 30 January 2016 - 02:32 PM
A son and his mom were having sex and then mother became pregnant. The two couldn't decide a name for him but then the mom said "we must come up with a name for him,Dr orders" and they decided to name that incest baby Dr zorders.
Posted 30 January 2016 - 02:06 PM
Posted 28 January 2016 - 04:37 PM
My attempt at a gingerbread man died.
So I buried him in the oven, and lo!
He is risen!