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Posted 16 December 2014 - 07:55 PM

The federal government has issued a travel warning due to the cold weather. They suggest that anyone traveling in the current blizzard conditions should make sure they carry the following:
- Shovel
- Blankets or sleeping bag
- Extra clothing including hat and gloves
- 24 hours worth of food
- De-icer
- Rock salt
- Flashlight with spare batteries
- Road flares or reflective triangles
- Full spare gas can
- First aid kit
- Booster cables

I looked like an idiot on the bus this morning

Paul Bearer

Posted 03 December 2014 - 07:55 PM

A man with a bald head and a wooden leg is invited to a
Xmas fancy dress party.
He doesn't know what to wear to hide his head and his wooden
leg, so he writes to a fancy dress company to explain his
problem. A few days later he receives a parcel with a

Dear Sir,
Please find enclosed a Pirate's outfit. The spotted
handkerchief will cover your bald head and with your wooden
leg you will be just right as a Pirate. The man is
offended that the outfit emphasizes his disability, so he
writes a letter of complaint.. A week passes and he
receives another parcel and note

Dear Sir,
Sorry about the previous parcel. Please find enclosed a
monk's habit. The long robe will cover your wooden leg and
with your bald head you will really look the part. The man
is really incandescent with rage now, because the company
has gone from emphasizin...


Posted 02 December 2014 - 04:15 PM

My ex-wife was deaf. She left me for a deaf friend of hers.
To be honest, I should have seen the signs.


Posted 01 December 2014 - 07:23 PM

One-armed waiters.
They can take it, but they can't dish it out.

Dr. Zorders

Posted 01 December 2014 - 05:02 AM

What did Mozart and Beethoven do after they died?

They decomposed!

Damon Killian

Posted 27 November 2014 - 06:39 PM

24 Bizarre “Jokes” Submitted by Actual Kids


Dr. Zorders

Posted 27 November 2014 - 03:59 AM

I was in the pub yesterday talking to a sad, middle aged man whose huge debts had driven him so bonkers, he had hit rock bottom and was talking desperate gibberish as he stared down into his 19th glass of Guinness.

He said "Maybe if I...... spend all my spare time in the sperm donation clinic......... they........ they pay money don't they? I can make enough money....... by the end of the year I can....... I can pay it all off"

I said "oh come on, that's just rubbing your Peter to pay Paul!"


Posted 26 November 2014 - 06:00 PM

A Scots boy came home from school and told his mother he had been given a part in the school play. "Wonderful," says the mother, "What part is it?" The boy says "I play the part of the Scottish husband!" The mother scowls and says: "Go back and tell your teacher you want a speaking part."

En Passant

Posted 21 November 2014 - 08:32 AM

The UK's first bus powered by human waste has been involved in a 'near miss' in Bristol earlier today.
Accident investigators are examining a huge skid mark left on a bend.


Posted 18 November 2014 - 11:19 AM

The man who wrote "The Hokey-Cokey" died last week, and there was pandemonium at the undertakers. They got his left leg into the coffin, and that's when the trouble started ......

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