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Phantom

Posted 14 October 2014 - 01:24 PM

Angela Merkel is passing through customs on the way into France
As she's filling in her form, the customs official asks "Occupation?"
No, just vacation for the weekend

Cat O'Falk

Posted 06 October 2014 - 06:07 PM

View PostPhantom, on 06 October 2014 - 06:03 PM, said:

I bought a pack of lamb chops the other day. On the pack it said "reared in Wales". I thought that was just a racist stereotype.

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Phantom

Posted 06 October 2014 - 06:03 PM

I bought a pack of lamb chops the other day. On the pack it said "reared in Wales". I thought that was just a racist stereotype.

Phantom

Posted 06 October 2014 - 12:06 PM

I often get told that before I can make fun of the disabled, that I should put myself in their place.

So last weekend I did. I have to say that those parking spaces are great.

Perfect Passing

Posted 28 September 2014 - 09:30 PM


A Romanian and a Liverpool guy go into a pastry shop.

The Romanian whisks three cookies into his pocket with lightning speed. The baker doesn't notice.

The Romanian says to the Scouser, "You see how clever we are? You Scousers can never beat that!"

The Scouser says to the Romanian, "Watch dis, any Scouser is smarter dan you, and I'll prove it to ya."

He says to the baker, "Gimme a cookie, I'll show ya a magic trick!"

The baker gives him the cookie, which the Scouser promptly eats.

Then he says to the baker, "Gimme anudder cookie for me magic trick."

The baker is getting suspicious, but he gives it to him. He eats this one too.

Then he says again, "Gimme one more cookie..."
The baker is getting angry now, but gives him one anyway.
The Scouser eats this one too.

Now the baker is really ma...

Windsor

Posted 21 September 2014 - 10:17 PM

Alex Salmond walks into a bar in Scotland...


...oh, I mean the United Kingdom.

Dr. Zorders

Posted 21 September 2014 - 08:05 PM

View PostPerfect Passing, on 14 September 2014 - 08:54 PM, said:

An Australian guy is travelling around the Greek Islands.
[...]
HE WHO DRINKS AUSTRALIAN, THINKS AUSTRALIAN


Speaking of Australians - did you hear they've found a new use for sheep? Meat and wool.

Perfect Passing

Posted 14 September 2014 - 09:00 PM

Jack was about to marry Jill and his father took him to one side.
“When I married your mother, the first thing I did when we got home was to take off my trousers,” he said.

“I gave them to your mother and told her to put them on.”
When she did, they were enormous on her and she said to me that she couldn't possibly wear them, as they were too large...

I told her, “of course they're too big”.
“I wear the trousers in this family and I always will”.
“Ever since that day, we have never had a single problem.”

Jack took his father's advice and as soon as he got...

Perfect Passing

Posted 14 September 2014 - 08:54 PM

An Australian guy is travelling around the Greek Islands.
He walks into a bar and, by chance, is served by an Australian barmaid.
As she takes his order, a Fosters, she notices his accent.
Over the course of the evening they get chatting. At the end of her shift he asks if she wants to come back to his place.

Although she is attracted to him she says no. He then offers to pay her $200 to sleep with him.
As she is travelling around the world, and is short of funds, she agrees..

The next night the guy turns up again. Again he orders Fosters and after showing h...

Perfect Passing

Posted 14 September 2014 - 08:47 PM

I reported a dead woman lying in a field to the police.
They asked me: 'How did you find her body?'
I said, 'Her tits were ok, but the rigormortis had tightened her arse a bit too much for my liking.'

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