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Perfect Passing

Posted 14 September 2014 - 09:00 PM

Jack was about to marry Jill and his father took him to one side.
“When I married your mother, the first thing I did when we got home was to take off my trousers,” he said.

“I gave them to your mother and told her to put them on.”
When she did, they were enormous on her and she said to me that she couldn't possibly wear them, as they were too large...

I told her, “of course they're too big”.
“I wear the trousers in this family and I always will”.
“Ever since that day, we have never had a single problem.”

Jack took his father's advice and as soon as he got...

Perfect Passing

Posted 14 September 2014 - 08:54 PM

An Australian guy is travelling around the Greek Islands.
He walks into a bar and, by chance, is served by an Australian barmaid.
As she takes his order, a Fosters, she notices his accent.
Over the course of the evening they get chatting. At the end of her shift he asks if she wants to come back to his place.

Although she is attracted to him she says no. He then offers to pay her $200 to sleep with him.
As she is travelling around the world, and is short of funds, she agrees..

The next night the guy turns up again. Again he orders Fosters and after showing h...

Perfect Passing

Posted 14 September 2014 - 08:47 PM

I reported a dead woman lying in a field to the police.
They asked me: 'How did you find her body?'
I said, 'Her tits were ok, but the rigormortis had tightened her arse a bit too much for my liking.'

Perfect Passing

Posted 14 September 2014 - 08:43 PM

I got caught taking a pee in the local swimming pool today.
The lifeguard shouted at me so loudly, I nearly fell in.

Perfect Passing

Posted 14 September 2014 - 08:41 PM

A man wakes up one morning in Alaska to find a bear on his roof.
So he looks in the yellow pages and sure enough, there’s an ad for ‘Bear Removers.’
He calls the number, and the bear remover says he’ll be over in 30 minutes.
The bear remover arrives, and gets out of his van.
He’s got a ladder, a baseball bat, a shotgun and a mean old pit bull.
‘What are you g...

maryportfuncity

Posted 09 September 2014 - 08:18 PM

View PostDr. Zorders, on 09 September 2014 - 07:51 PM, said:

You can use more than one image in a post, y'know....

Yes thanks, I posted one and scuttled off to find the other.

Dr. Zorders

Posted 09 September 2014 - 07:51 PM

You can use more than one image in a post, y'know....

maryportfuncity

Posted 09 September 2014 - 06:49 PM

Posted Image

This, and the post above, are famous hoax record covers, just thought I'd share them with the group!

maryportfuncity

Posted 09 September 2014 - 06:45 PM

Posted Image

Galento

Posted 08 September 2014 - 05:35 PM

Just got back from the gym. They've got a new machine in. Only used it for half an hour, as I started to feel sick.
It's great, though. It does everything...KitKats. Mars Bars, Snickers, Potato crisps, the lot...........

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