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Dr. Zorders

Posted Yesterday, 01:23 AM

Wouldn't it be funny if most MI6 agents were gay teetotallers who always took public transport, despised their secretaries and they'd never had a non-female boss before 1995?


Bibliogryphon

Posted 01 July 2015 - 12:34 PM

Looking forward to the new anime movie about a bloke who breaks into the National Gallery to deface the painting Bacchus and Ariadne. The title of the film is Attack on Titian


Morbidkid

Posted 29 June 2015 - 06:51 PM

I was watching the news, something about the Greece crisis.
I found out the shocking fact that 20% of WORKING Greeks work in touristry.
Wow! That's almost 2% of the population!

I can't stop laughing

RadGuy

Posted 29 June 2015 - 05:41 PM

I was watching the news, something about the Greece crisis.
I found out the shocking fact that 20% of WORKING Greeks work in touristry.
Wow! That's almost 2% of the population!

En Passant

Posted 28 June 2015 - 04:56 PM

A 75-year-old man walked into a crowded waiting room and approached the desk. The Receptionist said, 'Yes sir, what are you seeing the Doctor for today?'

'There's something wrong with my dick', he replied.

The receptionist became irritated and said, 'You shouldn't come into a crowded waiting room and say things like that.'

'Why not, you asked me what was wrong and I told you,' he said.

The Receptionist replied; 'Now you've caused some embarrassment in this room full of people. You should have said there is something wrong with your ear or something, and discussed the problem further with the Doctor in private.'

The man replied, 'You shouldn't ask people questions in a roomful of strangers if the answer could embarrass anyone.

The man then decided to walk out, waited several minutes, and then re-entered.

The Receptionist smiled smugly and asked, 'Yes??'

'There's something wrong with my ear,' he stated.

The Receptionist nodded approvingly and smiled, knowing he had taken her advice. 'And what is wrong with your ear, Sir?'

'I can't piss out of it,' he replied


Phantom

Posted 26 June 2015 - 12:26 PM

A panda walks into a bar. He asks the bartender how he can get a little action for the night. The bartender motions to a young woman. She talks to the panda, and they go back to her place. After having sex, the panda abruptly leaves.

The next night, the woman goes to the panda's house. "You owe me money," she says.

"For what?"

The woman rolls her eyes and explains, "I'm a prostitute."

The panda pulls out a dictionary and looks it up: "Prostitute: Has sex for money."

The panda says, "I don't have to pay you. I'm a panda -- look it up." She is about to protest when the bear hands her the dictionary.

The woman looks up "panda" in the dictionary. It says, "Panda: Eats bush and leaves."

 

I always thought the punchline for that one was "Eats shoots and leaves"


torbrexbones

Posted 26 June 2015 - 10:10 AM

A panda walks into a bar. He asks the bartender how he can get a little action for the night. The bartender motions to a young woman. She talks to the panda, and they go back to her place. After having sex, the panda abruptly leaves.

The next night, the woman goes to the panda's house. "You owe me money," she says.

"For what?"

The woman rolls her eyes and explains, "I'm a prostitute."

The panda pulls out a dictionary and looks it up: "Prostitute: Has sex for money."

The panda says, "I don't have to pay you. I'm a panda -- look it up." She is about to protest when the bear hands her the dictionary.

The woman looks up "panda" in the dictionary. It says, "Panda: Eats bush and leaves."


Deathray

Posted 25 June 2015 - 08:09 AM

You want a miracle?
I'll give you a miracle!
According to the Bible, Jesus was born in Bethlehem in Palestine.
A country where people are named Mohammad, Abdul, Mounir, Aziz, Ahmed, Farid, Omar, Youssouf, Mouloud, and so on.
And yet he managed to find 12 friends called John, Peter, Paul, Phillip, Mark, Thomas, Luke, Matthew, Andrew and Simon... who all drank wine!
Now that's what I call a bloody miracle!

 

Except he didn't:

 

http://www.bibleinfo...welve-disciples

 

read the block text below the list as well


Dr. Zorders

Posted 25 June 2015 - 12:46 AM

How come no-one ever makes an inspiring movie called Climbing Up, about a guy who comes up with a solution for L.A. traffic congestion, saves various businesses from being robbed/trashed, and makes it to the other side of the city in time to fix things up with his estranged wife at his daughter's birthday party?


maryportfuncity

Posted 24 June 2015 - 02:05 PM

and in other news today; a 73 year old grandmother from Maidstone, currently driving through Calais, has just been confirmed as the organiser of a successful world record attempt for the most people crammed in a Mini car at one time.


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